12-10-2002, 12:03 PM
> > > > > > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately,
> > > > > >I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,
> > > > > >Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,
> > > > > >Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
> > > > > >my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
> > > > > >and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract
> > > > > >I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep
> > > > > >that in mind.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands
> > > > > >with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin,
> > > > > >Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
> > > > > >He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys
> > > > > >and girls; however,there are a few differences between us.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Differences such as:
> > > > > >
> > > > > >1.There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
> > > > > > from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh
> > > > > > and a bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured
> > > > > > by Smith and Wesson."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >2.Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
> > > > > > that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds
> > > > > > [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't
> > > > > > smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
> > > > > > have an empty spit can handy.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >3.Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
> > > > > > flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made
> > > > > > the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
> > > > > > one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
> > > > > > fireplace.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 4.You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner
> > > > > > and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead,
> > > > > > you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott
> > > > > > and Petty."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"
> > > > > > And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves
> > > > > > respond, "I her'd dat!"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 6.As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
> > > > > > sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on
> > > > > > the back with the words "Back Off."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 7.The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle
> > > > > > on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be
> > > > > > shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see
> > > > > > "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV"
> > > > > > featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
> > > > > > patrol cars crashing into each other.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >And Finally,
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,
> > > > > > I'd make sure you,the wife, and the kids turn
> > > > > > the other way when he bends over to put presents
> > > > > > under the tree.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Sincerely Yours,
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Santa Claus
> > > > > >I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,
> > > > > >Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,
> > > > > >Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
> > > > > >my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
> > > > > >and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract
> > > > > >I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep
> > > > > >that in mind.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands
> > > > > >with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin,
> > > > > >Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
> > > > > >He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys
> > > > > >and girls; however,there are a few differences between us.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Differences such as:
> > > > > >
> > > > > >1.There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
> > > > > > from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh
> > > > > > and a bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured
> > > > > > by Smith and Wesson."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >2.Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
> > > > > > that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds
> > > > > > [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't
> > > > > > smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
> > > > > > have an empty spit can handy.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >3.Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
> > > > > > flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made
> > > > > > the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
> > > > > > one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
> > > > > > fireplace.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 4.You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner
> > > > > > and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead,
> > > > > > you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott
> > > > > > and Petty."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"
> > > > > > And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves
> > > > > > respond, "I her'd dat!"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 6.As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
> > > > > > sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on
> > > > > > the back with the words "Back Off."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 7.The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle
> > > > > > on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be
> > > > > > shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see
> > > > > > "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV"
> > > > > > featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
> > > > > > patrol cars crashing into each other.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >And Finally,
> > > > > >
> > > > > > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you,
> > > > > > I'd make sure you,the wife, and the kids turn
> > > > > > the other way when he bends over to put presents
> > > > > > under the tree.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Sincerely Yours,
> > > > > >
> > > > > >Santa Claus