Quad18star
02-16-2004, 07:53 PM
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,
"No maam, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a
ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads
low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and
he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around
to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was
rebooking
a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry
passenger pushed
his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and
said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help
you but I've got to
help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work
something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone.
"May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard
clearly throughout
the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14
WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his
identity,
please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line
laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore.
"F*** you!
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll
have to get in line
for that, too."
Snappy Answer # 6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. Now
class, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family
but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in
the back of the
room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I
said I was
suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire
class does its
best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly
says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,
"No maam, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a
ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads
low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and
he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around
to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was
rebooking
a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry
passenger pushed
his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and
said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help
you but I've got to
help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work
something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers
behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone.
"May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard
clearly throughout
the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14
WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his
identity,
please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line
laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore.
"F*** you!
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll
have to get in line
for that, too."
Snappy Answer # 6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. Now
class, I won't
tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family
but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-*** guy in
the back of the
room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I
said I was
suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire
class does its
best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher
smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly
says,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.."